A question for International Women’s Day

Women

Today is March 8th, which is International Women’s Day, and I have a question for you: are you a feminist?

To answer that you first have to define feminism, but it’s actually much harder than you’d think. The official definition something along the lines of:

“Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, cultural, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. Feminists typically advocate or support the rights and equality of women1.”

That sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? But the people shouting with the loudest voices over this issue tend to be hard-liners. That is to say, they have their own definition above and beyond what is written there, and are not shy about expressing it, or loudly denigrating those who disagree with their interpretation, and that I do take issue with.

You see, what I believe is that yes, women should have the vote, and the basic rights accorded to men, and be treated equally in the workplace, etc. But I also strongly believe in the difference between the sexes, which is based in our biology and is irrefutable. And I believe in the right of any individual, male or female or trans, to behave exactly as he or she wishes to behave, provided that they do so within the law and without hurting anyone else.

This means that if I want to dress up to the nines for an evening out with my husband (whose name I have taken, because I wanted to), and go out in full make-up, perfume, high heels and sparkly/gauzy/frilly dress, it is absolutely my right to do so and expect to be treated respectfully2. However, if I put on a skirt which barely covers my naughty bits and a top cut right down to my navel, and go out alone to a late-night club, it is absolutely my right to accept that I do so at my own risk, in the full knowledge that it is going to excite some men3 and that I am putting out a subliminal ‘Hey guys! I’m available and I’m up for it’ signal. Because that’s the way hormones and social signals work.

BornToBeSexy

We all use a non-verbal language which I’m going to call ‘Human’, and we use it all the time4. It’s partly about facial expressions and gestures, the ones we all know about; the nods and smiles and waves, the hands on hips and the stabbing finger, and we know full well what we’re saying, don’t we? But the rest of Human is the really interesting bit, and the bit most of us know little about. Pheromones play a large part in Human communication, but so do body position, head tilting, small contractions in the muscles around our eyes and mouth, tensions in the hands and fingers, weight shifting, respiration depth, pupil size, rate & pitch of speech, and so on. Whether we like it or not, we are all sending out these social signals, all the time. And sometimes these contradict what we are telling people in words.

So. There are feminists who see the softer side of their gender-driven natures as something which will betray them and which must be suppressed, and it’s absolutely their right to do so if they wish, but it can happen that a women believes she is behaving like a strong feminist, whereas she is actually saying something entirely different in basic Human.

This is a problem because it appears that many quite ordinary, decent men can get confused, because they have no clue what women want – in particular, the individual women they meet and deal with on a day-to-day basis. For instance, many young women wear tee shirts with slogans across their breasts, and yet if a man dares to allow his eye to be caught by the writing, he is glared at and made to feel as if he’s assaulted them. Isn’t this a little unfair? Unless, of course, you yourself never, ever, read a guy’s tee shirt?

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I have always been a bit uncomfortable with the feminist movement, while at the same time approving of many of its aims: equality in pay and opportunity in the workplace, the right to vote, to take public office, to be taken seriously as a person first and a woman second.

However, I strongly disapprove of anyone dictating to me what I should and shouldn’t do, whatever sex they are, and I reserve the right to wear make-up and/or a bra (or even a corset if I should so wish) dye my hair, and to remain unoffended by wolf-whistles, compliments, or the odd wink from a tradesman. Quite frankly, I’m tired of all the nonsense. Of course women should be able to feel safe on the streets and in the workplace, but is it really necessary that all men should be regarded as potential rapists in order for this to happen?

Do we really want to put the whole masculine gender into a such an invidious position?

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This is a far from scholarly blog, but it seems to me that the worrying increase in levels of depression and suicide in men – particularly young men – in our society today may possibly be linked to a communication problem. They are reading the subliminal messages of the women they meet, who appear to be giving the right signals, but then they are slapped down when they make an approach. Result? Confusion, leading to anger and frustration, and – because society now requires more self-restraint than ever before – this can be transmuted into depression, which actually seems to be a fairly predictable response. Remember, too, that ‘Care in the Community’ means that we have people living among us who may not actually be very good at ‘Human’, or indeed at impulse control – and this includes vulnerable men as well as vulnerable women5.

Chrissie Hynde may have been indulging in ‘victim blaming’ herself, as spokeswomen from the feminist movement have said, but there is a teeny tiny little grain of truth in what she says, because, like it or not, there are always consequences.

Perhaps what we all need to remember is that in this life you can pretty much do what you want … if you can take the consequences. This does not, however, in any way mean that I excuse those who choose to perpetrate violent crimes against women.

1 From Wikipedia

2 Of course, people might laugh .. especially since I’m likely to fall flat on my face if I attempt to walk in high heels.

3 Ha. Well, stranger things have happened! I might be the wrong side of sixty and weigh enough to be worth two whole smaller people, but you know what they say. There’s no accounting for taste.

4 Some of us are considerably better at it than others. Some of us have a really feeble grasp of it – at least at the conscious level.

5 Who may not have great judgement skills but also need to be protected.

On disappointment and optimism

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Spring, it appears, is springing rather early this year. I’ve had daffodils and bowls of hyacinths in the house for a couple of weeks, and violets from the garden joined them a week ago1. But I’m a tad disappointed because people on the insect groups have been reporting bee sightings for a couple of weeks, too, and I have seen not one.

True, there was a bee-fly last week, which nearly flew into me (daft thing was not properly awake, I fear) but I couldn’t photograph it to ID it properly because a) I had no camera with me and b) I had a grand-twin by the hand and we were about to cross a road.   So that was a tiny bit disappointing, though it was lovely to see.

However, a couple of days ago, OH and I decided to take Sid to a local nature reserve called Cuckoo’s Hollow, which is small, quite ‘managed’2 and has paved paths for mobility challenged dogs, people in wheelchairs, cyclists, and spouses who do not wish to get their feet muddy.

This was a Bad Decision, because Cuckoo’s Hollow is in the process of being … um … managed.

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Not exactly a beauty spot, is it?

There is a project underway to dredge silt from the lake, which has apparently become more and more silted up over the years, with reeds encroaching into the open water.  It has to be done because the nature reserve is part of the plan to reduce flood risk for the housing area which surrounds it, and I can’t argue with that.  However, they are also digging some of the reed beds out by the roots and they are removing tons of silt which they are dumping here, on the bank.

Now, the reed beds are home to swans, moorhens, coots and ducks and possibly the endangered and protected water vole3.   And I am concerned about the fact that they are removing the reeds from their favourite side of the lake, and they are doing it now, when the birds are beginning to court and think about raising their families.  It was supposed to be done ‘during the month of February’ to avoid disturbing nesting birds, but the work doesn’t look to be half-way finished to me, and as I said, spring is coming early.

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But do you know what the daftest thing is?  This reserve is basically a lake, fed by a brook, with a lot of plain old ordinary grass and some belts of trees.  There was one relatively small area bordering the lake where a good mix of wildflowers grew: geraniums (blue) and cranesbills (pink), big ox-eye daisies, hawkweeds, foamy white cow’s parsley and other umbellifers, ground ivy, speedwell, thistles and knapweeds, etc.  Bees, butterflies, hoverflies and beetles loved them, and so did I.  And yes, I said ‘grew’, because that sea of mud up there is exactly where they used to be.

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They will have seeded, of course, and some will have very stubborn roots, capable of regeneration, but …

This area is also where they plan to dump the silt they’ve dredged out of the lake to leave it to dry, when it will be harrowed and planted with grass.  The silt – I am reliably informed – will be too rich in nutrients for many wildflowers and it could be that grass is the only thing which will grow there.  And not only that, the silt is where many hoverfly, dragonfly and damselfly larvae are overwintering, ready to emerge4 in the mid-to-late spring and early summer.

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The above pictures of insects in this blog were taken on this little wildflower patch last year.  I doubt there’ll be any new ones this coming summer.  The first is of Oedemera nobilis, a flower beetle.  The second, Bombus vestalis and an Apis mellifera (honeybee) foraging for nectar in  the thistles. The third is Osmia caerulescens, a solitary bee, approaching a white clover flower.

This all sounds more disappointing than optimistic, doesn’t it? But nature can surprise us with unexpected regenerative powers, so I’m hopeful that all is not lost.  Maybe not this year, but perhaps the year after we will see some beautiful wildflowers and insect activity at Cuckoo’s Hollow?  And I found my first hoverfly of the year today!  I present to you, Eristalis tenax, feeding on dandelion.

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1 I planted a TON of spring bulbs last autumn.  I have a lot of crocuses, snowdrops and little daffodils!  Yay me!  However, the 150 snakeshead fritillaries which I planted have not deigned to show their pretty little heads so far, and of the 50 or so hyacinths I put in, only those I planted in pots have surfaced.  I think the mice eat them.

2 ‘Managed’ means that the grass is mown, the trees are coppiced and things like dredging the lake are done.  I know, reserves have to be managed.  Some are more managed than others.

3  They did not wait for the survey to be done before they began work on the grounds that there are wooden supports for the bank under water and they ‘did not think the voles would be able to nest there’.  Seeing as the biggest population of water voles in the UK is at the moment living happily on a deprived housing estate in Glasgow, two miles from the nearest water and under decomposing mattresses, I’d respectfully suggest that they are more adaptable than our local environment chappies think!

4 Or not, as the case may be.